Obsolete Your Idols

This is TSR 9177 REF 3 The Book of Lairs by James M. Ward and Mike Breault p5.

Don’t worry.  If you’ve no idea what that means, this post isn’t directed at you.

1. Door
   • Animated two-handed swords (2)
2. Weapon forge
   • Animated hammers (6)
   • Animated spears (6)
   • Animated long swords (6)
   • Animated two-handed swords (6)
   • Animated morning stars (6)
3. Armor forge
   • Suits of animated armor (2 * characters)
4. Resting place
   • Iron golems (2)

If I ran this in 3.5 edition d20, the system I use most of the time I’m running these days, here’s how these four encounters might be converted.

Door:  Animated Object, obviously.  I’d make them Medium Greatswords, presuming them to be weapons crafted for Medium creatures and being two-handed, the same size class as the wielder.  Hardness 10 and flight seem appropriate additional special defense and special quality. I’d let them do Greatsword + 1 damage and leave their attack modifier at +2. I’d bump up the CR for these to 3 each instead of the CR2 for an ordinary Medium Animated Object monster.  So EL4, overall.

Weapon forge:  More Animated Objects.  The softer version considers the hammers to be light warhammers and thus Tiny, otherwise Small for the non-light version.  If the spears are short, Small.  If longspear, Medium.  Longswords are Small.  The two-handed swords become Medium Animated Object Greatswords, like the ones at the door.  The morning stars are Small. Again granting them Hardness 10, flight, and normal damage +1 for weapons of their type at +2 to hit over conventional Animated Object monsters bumps up the CRs.  The lowest range I’d use would be 6 + 12 + 12 + 18 + 12 and the high end would be 12 + 18 + 12 + 18 + 12.  Either way this is EL9 or EL10 territory.  If the party got clever and split up the attackers somehow, controlled terrain to only let a few come at them at a time, I’d award the full xp for an EL10 encounter.  Perversely if they went in against all the weapons at once, only EL9 xp.  I’m mean that way.

Armor forge: Surprise.  More Animated Object monsters.  I’d make them unmodified Medium.  At 2 suits per character, that makes this one EL (party size + 4).

Resting place:  Straight up pair of by the book Iron Golem monsters.  The only thing unusual about them is that these are chatty and being chatty isn’t a special attack.  EL15.

Given all that, I’d run this scenario for a party with an average character level of 10 or so.  Slightly lower would probably be okay if they are good at managing terrain or willing to back out when they hit the blade storm in the Weapon Forge.

While on the course of wondering something almost as silly, I decided to see what kind of distribution of software packages my laptop has installed.  It turns out to be skewed wildly in favor of the letter L.

dpkg –get-selections |  grep -v deinstall | cut -c 1 | sort | uniq -c

• 1 9
• 44 a
• 44 b
• 74 c
• 44 d
• 66 e
• 57 f
• 178 g
• 26 h
• 33 i
• 9 j
• 29 k
• 1015 l
• 61 m
• 40 n
• 44 o
• 134 p
• 8 q
• 23 r
• 65 s
• 99 t
• 45 u
• 10 v
• 17 w
• 117 x
• 1 y
• 6 z

Some of my favorite stories were all written by the same person, Philip K. Dick. So I’m always on the lookout for more stories which remind me of those stories. If you’re similar, you may want to give a read to Walter Mosley’s Blue Light. It’s a story about a group of people around the San Francisco Bay Area who experience an uncanny blue light which changes them. They then work, together and apart, to change the world they live in. Or perhaps it’s the aftermath of a cult recorded by a delusional chronicler, an interpretation which would squint towards the inaccurate if not downright unreliable narrator.

I came to read this book not because it turned up in a search of stories like those PKD wrote but because when out walking near Berkeley one day at dusk, a pedestrian saw me and asked me if I read sf. When I acknowledged his intuition, he insisted that I seek out Walter Mosley’s science fiction stories.

People who might like this book

• Fans of PKD
• People who live, lived or want to live in Northern California
• Fans of the early stages of a utopia

People who might not like this book

• Those sensitive souls who think the past was a golden age where everyone was nice
• Those who need complete closure to a story
• Those who think the only interesting science fiction is the most currently written